The Killers – This River Is Wild – Sam’s Town

Leaves are falling down
On the beautiful ground
I heard a story from the man in red
He said the leaves are falling down
Such a beautiful sound
Son, I think you better go ahead

But you always hold your head up high
Cause it’s a long, long, long way down
This town was meant for passing through
But it ain’t nothing new
Now go and show them
That the world stayed round
But it’s a long, long, long way down

You better run for the hills before they burn
Listen to the sound of the world
And watch it turn
I just want to show you what I know
And catch you when the current lets you go

Or should I just get along with myself
I never did get along with everybody else
I’ve been trying hard to do what’s right
But you know I could stay here all night
And watch the clouds fall from the sky

This river is wild
This river is wild

Run for the hills before they burn
Listen to the sound of the world
Watch it turn
But shake a little
Sometimes I’m nervous when I talk
I shake a little
Sometimes I hate the line I walk
I just want to show you what I know
And catch you when the current lets you go

Or should I just get along with myself
I never did get along with everybody else
I’ve been trying hard to do whats right
But you know I could stay here all night
And watch the clouds fall from the sky
Because this river is wild
God speed you boy
This river is wild

Now Adam’s taking bombs and he’s stuck on his mom
Because that bitch keeps trying to make him pray
He’s with the hippie in the park, coming over the dark
Just trying to get some of that little girl play

You better run for the hills before they burn
Listen to the sound of the world
But watch it turn
I just want to show you what I know
And catch you when the current lets you go

Or should I get along with myself
I never did get along with everybody else
I’ve been trying hard to do whats right
But you know I could stay here all night
And watch the clouds fall from the sky

And pay this hell in me tonight
Because this river is wild
God speed you boy
This river is wild
God speed you boy
This river is wild

Now the cards are everywhere face in dust
The fairground
I don’t think I ever seen so many headlights
But there’s something pulling me
The circus and the crew
Well they’re just passing through
Making sure the merry still goes round
But it’s a long, long, long way down

I was planning to post this song all week. It came onto my iPod on Friday evening when I was walking to work, and I was blown away — I’d never listened to it before (oh the beauty of having an iPod video with so many songs that I haven’t even heard a quarter of my music) and it immediately hit me where it hurts. I listened to it on repeat that evening, and then again a dozen times every day since.
I’ve been very confused and rather unhappy recently. I wasn’t sure whether it was a good idea to move to Australia and wasn’t sure what I was up to with S (although I knew it was a bad idea). I was stuck in a rut because I needed to get out there, renew one visa and apply for another, buy my tickets to Melbourne, organise myself, look at jobs and houses and shipping and all the usual hassle of moving countries (why do I inflict this on myself every year?).
And I was also feeling depressed, déprimée as we say in French, nothing like full-blown depression but une petite déprime, un coup de blues, because every single one of my friends is in a relationship and most of them are in relationships with each other, leaving me feeling left out and as if I am never going to find someone who understands and appreciates me.

The lines that made me prick up my ears when I heard this song (and I can pinpoint the place and time — 5:40 on Zhongshan North Road, just outside the hospital) are Or should I just get along with myself, I never did get along with anybody else.

I’ve been trying to write how I feel. How those lines resonate within me. But I can’t. Once again I’m just not… not good enough… I’m no writer and I don’t really mind that, as long as I have the music to speak for me.

And now I’ve been pushed out of the rut, plane tickets are bought and visas more or less sorted. And I sing to myself:
But you always hold your head up high
Cause it’s a long, long, long way down
This town was meant for passing through
But it ain’t nothing new
Now go and show them
That the world stayed round
But it’s a long, long, long way down

~ by orange on July 19, 2007.