Tori Amos – Sleeps With Butterflies – The Beekeeper

Airplanes
Take you away again
Are you flying
Above where we live
Then I look up a glare in my eyes
Are you having regrets about last night
I’m not but I like rivers that rush in
So then I dove in
Is there trouble ahead
For you the acrobat
I won’t push you unless you have a net

You say the word
You know I will find you
Or if you need some time
I don’t mind
I don’t hold on
To the tail of your kite
I’m not like the girls that you’ve known
But I believe I’m worth coming home to
Kiss away night
This girl only sleeps with butterflies
With butterflies
So go on and fly then boy

Balloons
Look good from on the ground
I fear with pins and needles around
We may fall then stumble
Upon a carousel
It could take us anywhere

I’m not like the girls that you’ve known
But I believe I’m worth coming home to
Kiss away night
This girl only sleeps with butterflies
With butterflies
With butterflies
So go on and fly boy

It was only a matter of time before this came onto iTunes and my recent conversations with S. needled me into writing about.

I really regret sharing it with him. And at the same time I don’t regret it, he should know that I’m here, I was here, I’ll always be here. I’ll never stop hoping never stop wishing never stop wanting him. I rushed in, I unveiled too much too soon, but that’s what I’m like…

You say the word you know I will find you…

He said the word, I thought, two days ago. He’ll pay for me to fly the other side of the world so we can be together again, so we can live together, I can live in his house, sleep in his bed, sleep in his arms. He said the word and I was ready and then suddenly I realised what a fool I was, and I asked him the question I hate having to ask, and yet I have no choice but to ask it. I knew the answer already but there was this glimmer of hope in me…

But she’s still there, she’s still the one, I’d just be his plaything… an expensive and dangerous plaything but still nothing more, something to pass the time.

Spending that amount of time together, LIVING together, either he’d fall in love with me or I’d fall out of love with him. Sounds perfect on paper.
But common sense and self-respect say no. Every single one of my friends has gasped in shock when I passed on the conversation we had. His offer. My barely veiled wishfulness. Am I ever going to get over him?

And so, as airplanes take us to and fro across the world, as we criss-cross this planet, travelling because we have no choice but to follow the paths we’d already carved out for ourselves before our paths met, zig-zagging between the cities of Europe, Australia, East Asia…

I won’t push him. I want to, but I know that I’m the one who will fall. Who gets hurt.
But I still believe I’m the one worth coming home to. He’s the only man I have ever wanted to marry. To quote Marie-Madeleine… He’s a man, he’s just a man, and I’ve had so many men before, in many different ways, he’s just one more… but he’s the only one I’ve seen in my mind, by my side, with kids and dogs and a house in the countryside, by a lake, forests and beautiful views all around. Just us.

I really, really need to get over him. Roll on Melbourne.

~ by orange on June 27, 2007.